


Thanatos

by ughdotcom



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/M, Gen, Genderfluid Character, I can talk to a fucking building if i want, I know jackshit about the avengers besides what some fic has taught me, I provide my OWN dissertations because I'm COOL, Literally none of the movies happened, M/M, On Hiatus, Police Brutality, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shapeshifting, Suicide Attempt, The Winter Soldier plotline did though, Transphobia, Unethical Experimentation, Vigilantism, With a little tweaking, apperently JARVIS doesn't exist anymore well fuck that, havent watched age of ultron and i refuse to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25505473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: For either a purpose or death.That's what Nico Wright put down on the form asking him why he participated in the experiment. He doesn't have much to live for, a closeted trans kid with no fighting abilities and a knack for getting into trouble. When he's gifted with he power of shapeshifting this doesn't exactly change. Except now he doesn't just live in a world of superheroes - he's part of it. He probably wouldn't do anything if it wasn't for the fact the Avengers were parading around with out ever taking down real threats. Now he's got a goddamn obligation.Welcome, New York City's newest vigilante: Thanatos.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so there are bolded things because this story is very visual in my mind, like a movie. I've even got a soundtrack. So just... act like that's normal for fic.
> 
> This chapter includes: mentions of human trafficking (nothing happening), to skip that skip from "There was only one email in his inbox" to “An experiment to find a way to help the Avengers fight. Has to do with the mind. Moderately dangerous, no chance of death, no more than there’s a chance of anything.” and "He looked around" to "It was a blond girl in a pink crop top and jean booty shorts."
> 
> It also involves a mention of rape in passing. Skip from “You scared me.” to "That was wrong."

Nico Wright entered the house he lived in with his family, removing his combat boots at the door. “I’m home!” he called.

“How was school?” his mom, Dove, asked from the dining room.

“Fine. They haven’t removed the cop yet.” he rolled his eyes, knowing that that was likely to start his mom on a rant. He removed his backpack and set it down, removing his lunchbox and setting it on the counter.

“Not all cops are bad?” his mom asked.

“Can’t hear you over A.C.A.B!” he called back, grabbing his computer from the backpack and running upstairs. He flopped down into his chair and opened his computer, opening Google Docs and Archive of Our Own. And then he opened his email.

There was only one email in his inbox. He opened it. “ **FOR ALL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS** ” it read in gaudy red bolded print “ **EXPERIMENT TAKING PLACE. YOUNG MINDS NEEDED.** ”

“Well that sounds like a trafficking scheme.” he muttered, moving his mouse over to the delete button, only pausing when he saw who sent it. The school board that sent out flyers for extracurriculars that would get students extra credit. He sighed and scrolled down to see what class it would get him credit in. Humanities and science. He scrolled back up to red the details.

“An experiment to find a way to help the Avengers fight. Has to do with the mind. Moderately dangerous, no chance of death, no more than there’s a chance of anything.” It listed an address, a date, and a time.

“I cannot fucking believe I’m doing this.” he scrolled down to the reply video and clicked it.

**[Modern Day Cain by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND US starts playing]**

“Dear whom it may concern,” he typed out.

“I would be delighted to participate in your experiment. While I personally do not believe the Avengers do as much good as they could, I would love to help them do better. I will arrive at the address specified on the date and time specified.

“Thank you, Nyx Spencer.”

He pulled out his phone to text his friend.

Me: Jack, Im gonna need you to cover for me.

JackAttack: date or illegal activities?

Me: What do you take me for?

Me: They aren’t illegal mom just can’t know.

JackAttack: sure, I’ll cover.

Me: Thank you, I love you (platonically)

JackAttack: fucking simp

JackAttack: love you too nerd

Nico let a small laugh out of his nose and rolled his eyes. So he was doing this. Cool.

Me: Also if I die make sure they put Nico Elsie Raymond Kai Pavel Wright on my gravestone and it isn’t religiously carved. I’m not gonna be cis or christian in death

JackAttack: what the hell are you doing

Me: I don’t know

He closed his phone and flopped back onto his bed.

**[this is a fucky montage thing that’s why it isn’t coherent. It’s my self insert I can do what I want]**

Nico waved goodbye to Dove and turned down the street. He entered the subway and got on a train. He stood awkwardly on a train and waved at a crying baby that didn’t stop crying. Finally he got off in front of a shady looking building. He opened the door.

The hallway was grimy and dusty. It felt like some dumb aesthetic from a DC movie. Probably Batman. Or like what nerd boys thought Star Trek was, despite all contrary evidence.

He looked around. There weren’t any doors off the hall, only one down at the end. The bright lights flickered ominously. He dug in his leather jacket’s pocket and pulled out a switchblade, flicking it open. His eyes narrowed as he took in his surroundings. It didn’t feel right. Experiments shouldn’t be in dirty basements where there was no exit in case something went wrong. “No chance of death.” he mouthed. That might have been a lie. He already thought it sounded like a trafficking scheme. The outside door opened and he spun around to see who it was.

It was a blond girl in a pink crop top and jean booty shorts.

**[Modern Day Cain by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME stops playing]**

“You scared me.” Nico said accusingly.

“Yeah.” she said, glancing at the blade. “Sure. Why are you on edge anyway? It’s not like you’re pretty enough to be raped.”

That was wrong. “You’ve had a lot of sexist propaganda drilled into you, huh?” he asked, following her down the hall. “And it’s pretty obvious I look like this on purpose. Who do you think sewed all these patches on? This took a  _ lot _ of elbow grease and floss.”

“Why are you talking to me?”

“You  _ literally _ just cited right wing anti victim propaganda, I’m talking to you to correct you.”

“Do you ever shut up?”

“You don’t even know me! And according to my friends, no.”

“You have friends?”

“Yeah. And a knife. Don’t forget the knife part.” he followed the girl as she opened the doors.

“Welcome!” a man boomed. He was tall with blond hair that fell in curls around his face. If his face had been just a bit rounder, and his grin a little less evil looking, Nico would have been aesthetically attracted to him. As it was, his face was too shapely for him to actually consider aesthetic attraction.

“Before we begin, I want you to fill out these forms. This is how we’ll know which of you is perfect for our experiment. My assistant is passing them out now.”

A pretty girl with dyed pink hair and a nose piercing handed the forms to each person. “I am literally just here for college credit.” she said.

Nico took his form gently.

Name (legal): Nyx Elsie Spencer

Name (chosen) (if applicable): Nico Elsie Raymond Kai Pavel Wright

Sex: Assigned Female at Birth

Gender: Genderfluid

Age: 14

School: Alan Turing High School

Grade: 9th

Pronouns: he/him, they/them, xe/xem

IQ: Unknown, also IQ is pretty fucking fake

Favorite Subject in School: English Literature and Language

Mental Health: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Undiagnosed Anxiety, Possible Undiagnosed ADHD

Why You Are Doing This:

Nico paused. What was he supposed to say? Extra credit? A break? For fun? They all would apply. They didn’t feel like enough.

Why You Are Doing This: For either a purpose or death.

He handed the form to the pink haired girl. “Hey, my answers aren’t gonna like… send me to a phyciatrist, right?” he asked.

“Dr. Row keep your answers under lock and key. Only for him and his scientists to know.”

“O...kay. That sounds rehearsed.”

“Never.”

“Now you sound like a robot. Good luck on college.”

Nico leaned back and pulled out his phone. There was a text.

I Love Play Rehearsal: Hey you want a link to my newest Avengers fic?

Me: No thanks. I don’t think real people should be shipped.

Me: Also you know I don’t read shit with an E rating.

Me: I’m too ace for that.

I Love Play Rehearsal: Oh come on. Captain America and The Winter Soldier are TOTALLY together

Me: Not until they say it publicly. Better safe than sorry.

He sighed and set down his phone.  _ God _ , he couldn’t be patient. He had forgotten his kandi bracelets, forgotten something to fidget with. The knife he had gotten from a small corner store wasn’t exactly a fidget toy.

“Okay!” Dr Row clapped his hands loudly. “To begin, I will  _ not _ reveal who has been chosen for stage one of this experiment. Everyone who hasn’t been chosen will also be studied for their reactions. Now, if you could enter those rooms. Phones in the bucket. ADHD and autistic subjects, you may choose one stim toy out of this bucket.”

He doesn’t bother going up. He knew that it could always just be side effects of depression. He’s not going to take the toy away from someone who needs it. He entered one of the rooms.

It’s small, and reminds Nico of the prison cells he’s seen on TV. There’s a small bed, a sink, a toilet. There’s a camera in the corner. He’s pretty sure that’s illegal, with the toilet. He laid down on the bed.

**[Control by Halsey starts playing]**

It felt weird, the small space with nothing to do. He tapped his hand on his fist, and his foot against the bed frame. He’s never liked the quiet. It felt wrong, like shovers crawling up his skin.

God he hated being bored.

Then a bright blinding light filled the small room. He started shaking, full on vibrating and screaming.

Around the room, little to his knowledge, sat scientists, surrounding Dr. Row and the pink haired girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens in first skip: Nico gets an email inviting him to participate in an experiment. He thinks it looks sketchy, but it was sent by the school and he can get extra credit.
> 
> Second skip: Nico is concerned about his surroundings. He takes out a knife and tries to defend himself.
> 
> Third skip: A girl insults Nico's anxiety using sexist right wing rhetoric.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is mainly a suicide attempt. If you're triggered by suicide/anything similar, stop reading at "God it just made them want to" and don't read the rest of the chapter. The first half is a panic attack. So... this chapter is probably really triggering.

“That was the stupid fucking expiriment?” Nico muttered as they walked back to the subway station. “Give me tinnitus and call it a day? Holy shit my eardrums. If they ruin MCR for me I’m suing. And I didn’t even get like… any fucking gender euphoria after putting my gender on that sheet.” they groaned softly. “I wish I looked how I wanted.”

“Who are you talking to?” a random homeless person asked. They didn’t have any money on them, so they just lowered their head and kept walking. Sometimes trading in the hoodie for the jacket full on sucked. They felt like everyone was looking at them.

“Hey!” they heard a man yell, and they turned around to see a woman try to take a man’s purse.

“Hey!” Nico yelled before they could think about it. “What are you doing?” and they were running over to the people. “Give him back his bag!”

It was obvious from a glance why she had targeted the man. He was effeminate, wearing a silver jacket, pink crop top, and black skirt. His hair was long and dyed a shocking shade of pink. A pink triangle was pinned to his lapel, an obvious sign of pride. Yeah, she was taking that purse for a reason.

She spit out some words that made Nico’s skin crawl as they ran toward them. They grabbed her hand, wrenching the purse out of her hand. They wished they had enough strength to crack the sidewalk when they stomped their foot down out of pure rage. A small thought, nothing much. And then the sidewalk cracked. They looked down, trying to act as if they knew how that had happened.

“What the fuck?” he breathed out.

“Sir, I really didn’t need the help.” the man said.

“No offense, but you really did.” Nico said, trying not to giddily laugh at the man calling them ‘sir’. And then they looked down.

Listen, they weren’t attached to their body. It was too feminine, too curvy, too parent’s perfect daughter. But the whiplash of seeing it changed was scary. Where breasts had been before was a flat chest, where a thin waist was there was now a straight line. They shook their head fast.

“Excuse me.” they said, holding up a finger. And then they vomited into the gutter. “I’ve got to go. Enjoy your purse.” and they started running. Somewhere.

**[Run Boy Run by Woodkid starts playing over the montage of them running down the streets]**

They ran down the grimy streets. They didn’t know where they were going, only that they had to get away, get away, not panic, don’t have a panic attack.

They weren’t a very good runner, they had always run out of breath after a block. But then… they just thought about their lungs taking the air better and they did.

They hated it. It was so wrong. Was it wrong to hate being in the body they had dreamed of for so long? They didn’t want this. And so, when they stopped, they were back to normal. God they hated normal. But this was better.

Right?

They darted into a small cafe and was about to dart to the bathroom when an employee stopped them and pointed to a sign. “Only paying customers may use the bathroom”. Shit.

They scrambled for their phone and opened the notes app, quickly typing out an explanation. “Panic attack. Don’t really want to speak right now.”

The employee smiled at them and searched their pockets, handing them the bathroom key. Nico gave them a pained smile and nodded at them. They could do much more.

When they entered the bathroom they locked the door behind them and rested their hands on the sides of the sink. They couldn’t figure out what was going on. So far they had been able to change their own body to suit what they wanted.

Holy fucking shit. Were they a shapeshifter? Holy fuck it was dream come true. A nightmare, though. It had a specifically nightmare like quality. Maybe it was the fact that the experimentation was nonconsensual, maybe the fact that they had never actually considered it as an actual possibility. But whatever it was, Nico just wanted to wake up screaming, and text Jack about their dreams.

But he knew the facts. He had read. You couldn’t read in dreams. He studied his fingers. He could count them. God fucking damnit. He slammed his fist against his leg.

Finally, they looked up to look at themself in the mirror. Carefully, they changed their hair, shortening it into an undercut that made them look like a gay businessman. Carefully, they turned it a bleach blond. Yeah, gay businessman, college senior top, or perfectly straight actor. They let it tumble back to it’s normal length and color: red and reaching the small of their back.

Carefully they played around. Rounder face, chunkier nose, taller, broader shoulders. The only thing they couldn’t change were their green eyes, which seemed to have grown more piercing, from “eh green if you look closely” to “fanfiction writer would gush over their emerald orbs”. Even the hint of blue was gone now.

“Holy fucking shit I look like the ideal me.” they breathed. “Maybe I’m not in hell.” finally their breathing slows to a regular pace, and their body stops shaking. Judging by the fact they just spoke, their throat isn’t closed anymore and they sigh.

**[Run Boy Run by Woodkid stops playing]**

Nico carefully walked up to the counter. “Hey sorry about that.” they said to the employee. “Some shit just happened to me, and I needed to cope. Can I have a hot chocolate and some coffee cake?”

“Of course.” the employee smiled. Nico forced another smile (they couldn’t quite smile yet) and pulled some money out of their pocket. “On the house.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Please. You’re upset. You deserve it.”

“Thanks.” Nico smiled. “Have a good day.” they glance at their nametag. “Michelle.”

“MJ. It’s MJ.”

“Cool.” Nico smiled, maybe  _ maybe _ a real one, and moved to the side to wait for their drink.

“Can I draw you?” MJ asked as she made their drink. “I enjoy drawing people in crisis.”

“I’ve got to get home, sorry.” Nico said. “Sorry.” they added again, for good measure.

“No worries.” MJ smiled. “Have a good rest of your day! I am legally obligated to say that, I couldn’t care less.”

“Oh mood.” Nico said. Whatever parts of them that had been freaking out were freaking out much less. They walked out of the cafe to go to the train station.

They knew only two things right now. One, they had been experimented on without informed consent. Two, they were now a shapeshifter.

_ Fuck. _

Sure, they had wanted to be a shapeshifter for the majority of their life. Genderfluid with body issues and an anxiety disorder? Being able to change was their greatest wish.

But not like this. Not because of some dumbfuck giving them powers they obviously couldn’t control yet and that they would have to hide from his mom. Well, maybe not. But they would.

God it just made them want to slit their wrists.

They knew it was shitty of them to think like that, but the emotions were building up and up as they walked. By the time they were in the train station even looking at their wrists upset them.

“Hey.” they said to a mild looking boy around their age wearing gloves. “Can I have those?” they meant for it to sound mild and not at all desperate, but the tears and desperation came out in their voice.

“Yes.” he looked confused as he pulled them off. “Are you okay?”

“Never.” Nico laughed as they grabbed them, checking their phone first before the gloves shut off their ability to.

Birth Giver: I’m going on a walk. I’ll be back soon, the door’s unlocked. Colvyr’s at Dylan’s. Dad should be back in about half an hour.

Me: Ok

Fuck. Usually that stopped them from rash decisions, the knowledge that their mom or dad or brother was there. Now they weren’t sure if they could be stopped.

They slipped the phone back into their pocket and pulled on the gloves, stepping into their train.

By the time they got home they were solely a ball of depression and suicidal thoughts. They pulled up their tumblr.

“I’m queueing this post” they typed. “If you see it I am most likely dead, and it was by my own hands. I’m very sorry. I love you all and if any of you kill yourselves I shall be very disappointed from Hades. Hugs and Kisses - Nico”

He put on his headphones and started a song.

**[Redeemer by Palaye Royale starts playing]**

If he was to die to a soundtrack how fitting was this song.

He, it was he now (and really how fitting to die as a boy and be born as a girl), sat down and pulled out the box he kept in his closet. It contained the razor from a pencil sharpener and bandaids. He had never used it. He didn’t know why, but sometimes he thought that maybe he didn’t actually want to die.

But there he was.

He ripped a page out of his sketchbook and started writing.

“Goodbye.” he started. That was really all he had to say. “I died a genderfluid person with he/him pronouns and I want to be remembered that way.” he continued. “My name is Nico Elsie Raymond Kai Pavel Wright. I want that on my grave. I am pagan, bury me with a coin beneath my tongue.” Was there anything else? He didn’t know who would find him. “I love you. I’m sorry it came to this.”

He leaned his head back and screamed. He was so fucking tired and so  _ ready _ . That scared him.

“Goodbye.” he whispered, and moved the razor to his wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nico is FINE he will be FINE I just wanted to end it there feel free to scream at me in the comments.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm abandoning this for now, because I can't currently concentrate on anything but my Dr Who hyperfixation. I might come back to this later, but in the meantime, here the plot ideas.

Nico can't be hurt, their body turns into goo, like Odo from Star Trek, and that would be figured out via the suicide attempt. They would then become a vigilante, under the name of Thanatos, who fought mainly cops and politicians. The Avengers would dislike them, but agree they could be allowed to do this because they aren't bad. The Avengers then try to get Nico to join them. The person who gave Nico the powers turns out to be bad, and trying to collect superpowered teens to be easily beguiled into defeating the Avengers. The Avengers get into a trap and Nico has to come and rescue them, and theres a big fight scene. Nico then becomes an Avenger, and it becomes all found family shenanigans.


End file.
